🪴HOW TO & TIPS
If you haven’t seen it already, there’s a Harry Potter TV series coming out this year.
A few months back I did a little Hogwarts Herbology Class where I matched the core six (Harry, Hermione, Ron, Draco, Hagrid, Snape) to houseplants. It was one of the most replied-to newsletters I've ever sent. People had opinions, which is exactly what you want from a good sorting.
So with Hogwarts back in the news, I figured the only sensible thing to do was open the greenhouse doors again and sort a fresh batch of characters.
Quills ready. Let's go.
🪄 Albus Dumbledore, Bird of Paradise (Strelitzia reginae)
Old, wise, and always a bit theatrical when it flowers. Dumbledore's whole vibe is "I look serene but I've been plotting this for 40 years," and the Bird of Paradise is exactly that. It takes its sweet time to bloom, and when it finally does, you're meant to stop what you're doing and look. Impossible to rush but also impossible to ignore.
Care: Bright light (the brighter the better), consistent watering, and don't panic if it takes years to flower. Great things are worth the wait.
🌙 Luna Lovegood, String of Turtles (Peperomia prostrata)
Quirky, a little whimsical, and somehow always thriving in conditions no one expected her to thrive in. The tiny round leaves that look like little turtle shells? Unmistakably Luna. She'd absolutely have one trailing off a shelf next to a jar of dried gurdyroots.
Care: Bright indirect light, let it dry between drinks, and leave it alone. It does its best work when you're not watching.
🐰 Neville Longbottom, Calathea (Calathea orbifolia)
Bit anxious, bit misunderstood, and secretly the best Herbology student in his year. Calatheas have a reputation for being fussy, but once you actually pay attention to what they need, they're extraordinary. Neville energy all the way.
Care: Filtered water, high humidity, no direct sun. Believe in it, and it'll reward you.
👬 Fred & George Weasley, Tradescantia Nanouk (Tradescantia albiflora 'Nanouk')
Pink, purple, green, and growing in six directions at once. You can't stop them. You can't really control them. One cutting accidentally turns into five plants because they just multiply. The chaos is the feature, not the bug.
Care: Bright light, regular water, and accept that it's going to take over the shelf. That's the point.
🐍 Lord Voldemort, Corpse Flower (Amorphophallus titanum)
Rare, enormous and disappears for ages and then shows up uninvited to ruin your day. There was honestly no other choice.
Care: Do not attempt indoors. Honestly, maybe don't attempt at all.